Part I: Frustration
Like so many other things, this project can be traced back to the 2020 pandemic. I had been doing photography for 15 years at that point – mostly events and hundreds of live shows, with the occasional portrait in between. When Covid hit, this all went away quickly. There were no more concerts, or events, or opportunities to hang with other people. And so photography went on hold for many months as well. I did go out and take a few landscape shots. I liked them – but it wasn’t the same. Eventually I decided to give myself a little boost and started a 365 photo project on my birthday. Take a photo a day for a year. Put some effort into it. Make photography great again.
Turns out that the end of December 2020 was probably the worst time to start a 365: The weather was shit, the days were short and dark. Ultimately it didn’t even matter that one didn’t leave the house much: It was the absolute peak of the pandemic and so you couldn’t really go anywhere anyways. Everything was closed and you were not allowed to socialize with other humans. This forced me into self portraiture, as I was the only subject that I had left.
Then I ran into some issues. It was clear before I began that I would not make the greatest model. I am not a handsome guy, overweight, bald head, hairy body, wearing glasses, no sense of fashion. I could live with that, but I also didn’t enjoy the process. One day it took me ages to get a lighting setup right, so that I did not get reflections in my glasses. One time I tried to copy an image. It looked looked great with the original thin and tall woman in it, but looked absolutely terrible with my short and round figure. Every time I lit myself, my big, bald, shiny forehead looked stupid. Not only didn’t I look like a photo model – I also didn’t enjoy being one. Instead of inspiration, the project lead to frustration. In an already depressing time. You can even sense it in the images:
Part 2: Confrontation
There was this moment when I thought to myself: Hey, if you don’t like taking these photos – then just stop doing them?! Seemed like an obvious solution. But this thought didn’t sit right with me. It seemed to go against the spirit of the entire 365 project. Didn’t I set out to improve my photography? And now that I faced a challenge, I wanted to run from it? Avoiding a subject was the exact opposite of what I had set out to do! Maybe I should do the reverse. Maybe instead of running from my own image, I should confront myself with it. Instead of hiding my body, I should deliberately put it into the center of my work. And that’s what I did.
I cleared the idea with some friends, and for the daily update on my 365 I posted this:
This was very obviously inspired by Lizzo’s album cover. Truth Hurts was a recent hit song and she was vocal as a proponent of body positivity, and she seemed to do the same thing: Dealing with it, by putting herself out there.
Part III: Impact
The feedback I got from this image was positive – not only from the people who saw and commented on it – but even more by myself. I discovered that I once I looked past the superficial obstacles of „nudity“ and „ugliness“ there was emotion and meaning and even beauty to be found. I took myself much more serious as a subject than I did before. Often I had used my body basically as a lighting prop, not much different from a mannequin in a shop window. Now I discovered it as a photographic theme in its own right. And my lighting got much better too! If there was one big win in my 365 – it was adding the nude self portraiture to my arsenal.
This was a bit of a surprise. If you had asked me how I expect such a project to go, I could have imagined there being a nude one in a full series of 365. Even one from me. But I ended up doing so much more with this idea. It took a path of its own. Thanks to everybody who was part of this journey so far, and I am looking forward to some more.
Here’s a few personal favorites from the last five years:
Großartig.